Ask Dr. Format: Writing Lean & Dramatic Action
DAVE TROTTIER has sold or optioned ten screenplays (three produced) and helped hundreds of writers break into the writing business. He is an award-winning teacher and script consultant, author of The Screenwriter’s Bible, and friendly host of keepwriting.com. Read more tips on the Ask Dr. Format page.
WRITING LEAN & DRAMATIC ACTION
QUESTION
On one hand, you say to dramatize important actions, while on the other hand, you say to "write lean." Can you provide an example of something that is both sparse and dramatic?
ANSWER
I have seen many writers translate the word "lean" into "vague" or "no details." Actually, the opposite is true. "Writing lean" is choosing your details carefully and using specific, concrete words (especially verbs and nouns) to describe them. It's providing the reader with only what's necessary to see and understand clearly what's happening in the scene.
I would like to provide you with a "spec script" version of a scene from MISERY by William Goldman. In this scene, Annie is about to chop off Paul's foot with an axe:
PAUL
shrieks as there is a terrible thudding sound -- and then his body jackknifes. He is beyond agony as blood splashes over his neck, his face, and
ANNIE
her face splashed with blood and
THE SHEET
turning red and
ANNIE
eyes dull, getting into position again.
ANNIE
Once more and we're all done.
PAUL
as again there is the thudding sound, and he's incoherent. Animal sounds come from him as
ANNIE
takes a match, lights the propane torch with the match, and there's a sound as the yellow flame appears.
ANNIE
No time to suture, got to cauterize.
She brings the flame closer. Paul shrieks even louder.
ANNIE
God, I love you....
I know many novice writers that would simply write:
She chops off his foot. He screams madly. She lights the torch and cauterizes the wound.
And there are others who might describe every detail over four pages. That, of course, would be overdoing it, or overwriting.
I'd like to make one last comment about that last line of dialogue. Try to end your scenes with something that is strong, or something that moves us into the next scene or a future scene. In the above scene, we have a very strong punch line in Annie's declaration of "love."
ACTION STACKING
QUESTION
Lately I've been hearing about a popular way to write action called action stacking. I was wondering if you could give me an example of what this looks like. I don't think I have read a screenplay that shows this type of format.
ANSWER
Action stacking is a style of writing that literally stacks a series of short actions in a scene. Here's an example:
EXT. BALLPARK - DAY
Duke sneers at the catcher.
Taps the bat twice on his cleats.
Spits a brown wad that splatters on home plate.
Allows himself a self-satisfied grin.
Notice that these are short sentences stacked one on top of the other; thus, action stacking. Only use this technique if you are going to use it as a pattern throughout your screenplay.