Ask Dr. Format: WHERE TO PUT THE ACTION

DAVE TROTTIER has sold or optioned ten screenplays (three produced) and helped hundreds of writers break into the writing business.  He is an award-winning teacher and script consultant, author of The Screenwriter’s Bible, and friendly host of keepwriting.com.  Read more tips on the Ask Dr. Format page.

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WHERE TO PUT THE ACTION

QUESTION

I just finished an existing TV drama script and noticed something about my style for the first time. Sometimes I write a character's action on the action line [as narrative description], and sometimes I do it under the character's name itself [as a parenthetical, or actor's instruction]. Which is correct and, if they both are, can you have examples of both throughout your script, or should you just stick to one style?

ANSWER

If the action only takes a few words to describe, it's okay to write it either way--as action, or as a parenthetical:

                                 ALBERT
                          (tipping his hat)
                    It's been a long time.

Loretta slaps his face.

                                 LORETTA
                    Not long enough.

As you can see, it is okay to use both styles in your screenplay, as I did in the example above. However, any action that takes more than a few words to describe should be written as narrative description only:

Loretta sucker punches Albert, then pushes him into a mud puddle.

                                 LORETTA
                    How low can you get?

THE WRYLY FACTOR

QUESTION

At a recent conference, I heard so many contradictory "rules" about formatting that my head is spinning. Some say all of the action should be written in parentheticals [often referred to as wrylies] since producers only read the dialogue, and some say that there should be no parentheticals at all. Could you help?

ANSWER

It's true there are producers in town who only read dialogue, but that does not mean that they read the wrylies too, nor does it mean that all producers only read dialogue. Keep in mind that before a producer reads your script, a professional reader reads it from beginning to end. Finally, when a production company gets serious about a script, then several people in the company may end up reading it. So don't be unduly concerned about how much of your script will get read. You cannot control that. What you can control is what you write.

Use wrylies sparingly. If there are too many, then a reader is likely not to take them too seriously. Their main purpose is to clarify the subtext when the subtext is not already apparent. For example, if a character says "I love you" in a sarcastic way, and it is not otherwise apparent that he would be sarcastic, then that's the time to use the parenthetical (wryly). Too often, I see something like the following in a screenplay:

Kip is fighting mad.

                                 KIP
                          (angrily shouting)
                    I hate you!!!!

The above example says the same thing in three different ways. In this case, all that you need is the speech itself. Also, lose the exclamation points. Your speech should not look like a want ad.

Use a wryly to indicate action that can be described in a few words. I provided an example of that in the "Where to put the action" section above.

Use a wryly to indicate who the character is speaking to when that is not otherwise clear:

                                 MOE
                          (to Curly)
                    Not you, ya knucklehead.

If you follow this column, you already know that I discourage the use of the lifeless term "beat" to indicate a pause. I much prefer an adverbial, facial expression, or action that comments on either the story or the character while still implying a pause. It's an unbeatable approach.