Ask Dr. Format: ACTION AND PARENTHETICALS

DAVE TROTTIER has sold or optioned ten screenplays (three produced) and helped hundreds of writers break into the writing business.  He is an award-winning teacher and script consultant, author of The Screenwriter’s Bible, and friendly host of keepwriting.com.  Read more tips on the Ask Dr. Format page.

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ACTION AND PARENTHETICALS

QUESTION

Is the following example a correct use of parentheticals?

                   JACK
              (grabs Jill by the
               hand)
        Could sure use some water,
        my dear.
              (a beat; starts up
              the hill)

                   JILL
              (snatches the bucket
               out of his hand)
        Sounds like a good idea, Jack. 
              (swings bucket around
               and around as they near 
               the well)

ANSWER

No.  Action should be written as action, unless that action can be described in just a few words (for example, “snatching the bucket”).  Also, do not end a dialogue block with a parenthetical; end it with dialogue.  Finally, the dialogue in the example above is stiff; let’s make it more natural.  At the same time, we’ll try to give the scene a little more movement.  Here is my revision.

Jack shows Jill his empty bucket.   

                   JACK
        Water?

Jill snatches the bucket.

                   JILL
        Race ya.

She swings the bucket around as they gallop to the well.

#   #   #   #  #   #   #   #  #   #   #   #  #   #   #   #

LOCATING THE LOCATION

QUESTION

What is the correct format for a montage that has a series of scenes at different locations, but no dialogue? 

ANSWER

There are many correct ways to format a MONTAGE or SERIES OF SHOTS.  It all depends on your purpose. 

Generally, a MONTAGE is used to describe a series of images that convey a concept, such as passage of time or falling in love.  The SERIES OF SHOTS is for a straight narrative, a chronology of events.  Naturally, the two are often used interchangeably. 

What follows is standard format for the MONTAGE.

MONTAGE - JOHN WAITS FOR MARY

-- John glances at the waiting room clock. It reads “10:00.” 

-- He stares at a door, glances back at the clock –- “10:30.”

-- He paces the room nervously –- “11:00.”  The door opens and Mary exits the bathroom. 

In your question, you describe a series of locations.  So let’s format a MONTAGE that emphasizes location.

MONTAGE - JOHN FALLS FOR MARY

-- AT A RESTAURANT -- John and Mary exchange caring glances.

-- AT THE BEACH -- John and Mary frolic in the sun.

-- ON MARY’S BALCONY -- John kisses Mary, then falls back over the railing, flailing his arms.

Of course, you don’t necessarily have to CAP your locations.  For example, you could write:

-- At a restaurant, John and Mary exchange caring glances. 

And so on.  Whatever format you decide to use, be consistent.

Let’s look at standard format for a SERIES OF SHOTS.

SERIES OF SHOTS -- John gets even.

A) John lifts a gun from his desk drawer.

B) John strides down a sidewalk. 

C) Mary answers the door.  John pulls the trigger.  A stream of water hits Mary in the face. 

As you can see, there is very little difference between the MONTAGE and SERIES OF SHOTS.  In both cases, you start with an informative heading, and then list shots in a way that best suits your purpose.  The main thing is to follow the basic form and strive for clarity so that the reader can follow.